While Disney movies and your favorite rom-com love stories stand by the happily ever after trope, real-life is a much crazier rollercoaster ride with very consistent ups and downs, heck, even death drops, and spirals! It sometimes makes you wonder why films love to grab you by the heartstrings and let you believe that a relationship without conflict exists. I guess we all have a genuine adoration for the princess lifestyle and the alleged “perfect life.”
However, while experiencing and overcoming conflict is an integral part of a relationship that keeps it alive and strong, there are instances when the negative emotions persist, and you can’t help but be surrounded with thoughts of “I hate my husband!” And, in some cases, we don’t really mean it, but what happens if the negativity turns out to be the truth? So, today we’ll be learning how to navigate through these emotions and how to save a failing marriage.
First Off, Don’t Keep It To Yourself.
Number one, you don’t want to bottle these feelings up and keep them to yourself. Hiding what you’re feeling deep inside will only ruin your mental state and may even cause irreversible trauma to your mental health. So, as much as possible, go to your husband and tell them what you’re feeling. And if it’s something more personal that you can’t open up, seek a close confidant among your friends to act as your support.
1. Understanding Your Emotions
Of course, we don’t want to jump the gun, run our mouths, all without getting our minds out of a twist and getting our feelings sorted. Acting on pure emotion can lead to some rash decisions that you might regret later down the line, so we’ll want to avoid that outcome as much as possible. Remember, you’re much better than that, so let’s focus on some self-reflection and analysis before we choose our next course of action.
- Figure Out What’s Ticking You Off: A good place to start is figuring just what’s ticking you off and identifying the real reasons behind your anger and sudden bursts of hatred. Are you unsatisfied about certain things in your marriage, such as your sex life, waning fun, or maybe financial matters? Or is it something more serious such as dishonesty, infidelity, or broken trust? Whatever the reason may be, you want to pinpoint and control it. Don’t let its unwavering effects get the better of you, be objective and rational about everything.
- Open An Honest Conversation: Once you’ve got your reasons patted down, you’ll want to open an honest conversation with your husband, regardless of how heavy or painful the topic may be. The goal is for the both of you to open up, to let your hearts speak out, and find some semblance of progress behind all this conflict. Everything said will help push both of you forward and will at least make your partner aware of the situation.
2. Don’t Let Anger Dictate Your Decisions.
Let’s face it, anger is one of the strongest emotions out there, but instead of letting it dictate your decisions, you must control your temper. Allowing hate to fester in your mind and heart will only lead to more pain, and neither you nor your husband deserves to go through any more unneeded heartache. The goal is to save the failing marriage or at least come to a responsible and healthy conclusion. All hate does is instill more negativity and creates regress.
- Focus On The Positive: A healthy way of managing anger and moving past negative emotions is through focusing on the positive. It may seem like the obvious answer, but far too many people get carried away by strong feelings and forgetting the bigger picture. Not every aspect of life is terrible, and there are indeed things you can find comfort remembering. So, allow your mind to relax inside the comfort of positive thoughts.
- Get Some Time-Off: Tell your husband that you need some time-off, a chance to relax and sort through everything that’s bothering you. Whether it’s a weekend getaway to pamper yourself or being able to stay at a friend’s house to talk things over, you need an outlet that will let you redirect all of that negative energy into something more useful. Plus, you can come out of the situation a much stronger woman that cannot be persuaded by emotional impulse.
3. Seek Professional Help
Once you’ve gathered your bearings, have been able to open up with an honest conversation, and take your much-need time-off from everything, the next sensible step in solving things is seeking professional help. There’s only so much the both of you can work through on your own, but with the help of an expert, they can provide insight where conflict continues and help usher progress. Plus, having a professional connect any miscommunication is always a big help and might just be the little push you both needed.
- Marriage Counselling: Most people don’t like the way marriage counseling sounds, thinking that it’s a precursor to a failing marriage. However, this biased notion is a big misconception because good therapy and counseling is an excellent form of professional help that bridges unknown gaps. There are probably things you’re afraid of opening up about and coming to terms with, despite a promise to be honest. However, a marriage counselor can help break down these barriers and reinforce stronger bonds.
- Don’t Burden Others: While there’s nothing wrong with finding a support group, you don’t want to offload all of your burdens onto someone else. Unless they’ve specifically said that they’re okay with it and you can trust them, it’s never a good idea to overstep your boundaries and make someone else feel like it’s their conflict to resolve. Yes, there’s nothing wrong with relying on friends and family, but there should be moments when you stand as the bigger person. Not only for the sake of saving your marriage but also for your personal growth.
Piecing Things Back Together
Now that we’ve laid the groundwork for a fresh start, our next concern is piecing things back together with the quirky and enjoyable things that made you love each other in the first place. Often, most of the pain, trouble, and conflict stems from external stress and pressure building up and seeping into your personal life, which leads to things that we don’t mean to do or say. So, cut each other slack and give your marriage time to heal.
- Rediscover Your Love Through Fun: From a quick road trip to spending the night binge-watching your favorite films, nothing is more healing than rediscovering your love through a bit of fun. Remember, marriage is not just about continual love and support for your partner, but it’s also choosing to say with the person who makes each day fulfilling, and being happy is part of that! So, try to remember all the enjoyable things you used to do and give them a shot.
- Sexytime Matters: Another common barrier behind a happy and exciting marriage is time spend under the sheets. We should not forget that sex also plays an integral role in keeping a marriage strong. The intimate physical connection and raw feelings expressed through this act of love have no match. So, put some effort back into intimacy. You both deserve it!
It’s Not The End Of The World
In conclusion, if things end for the better and you’re able to come back to your feelings, or if both of you learn that getting a divorce might be the healthier option for growth, understand that it’s not the end of the world. There’s only so much we can do to bridge gaps, so cut yourself some slack and embrace life as it is.